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10
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I've
always assumed that no matter how awful the movie, the mere
presence of cult icon Bela Lugosi in the cast guaranteed it'd
at least be worth watching once. That had been my experience
to date, anyway...
Until now. Until I saw The
Ape Man.
Celebrity "ghost chaser" and paranormal expert
Agatha Brewster (Minerva Urecal) returns to the U.S. from a
trip abroad amid newspaper reports that her brother, a top research
scientist, has vanished without a trace. But Dr. James Brewster
(Lugosi) isn't really missing at all... He's hiding out in the
basement of the family mansion, unable to show his face to the
world. During a failed experiment that somehow involved mixing
human traits with those of a gorilla (and which is never explained
— what the heck were the benefits supposed to be?), Dr. Brewster
served as his own guinea pig in order to speed up progress.
Now he's stuck in a transitional state — half ape, half man
— which leaves him with a stooped, monkey-like gait and a lot
of extra facial hair. And he's pretty pissed off about it.
Feverishly working on a cure, Brewster determines
that injections of human spinal fluid can help return him to
normal. Problem is, acquiring the precious fluid kills the donor.
So, brushing morals and ethics aside, the doctor embarks on
a murder spree to procure this key ingredient, using the violence-prone
gorilla (or rather the guy in the lame gorilla suit) from his
laboratory to do the dirty work. The actual injections, however,
need to be administered by a qualified physician since Brewster
can't give himself shots in the back. Devoted sister Agatha
then steps in to help, first attempting to cajole family friend
Dr. Randall (Henry Hall) into assisting, and when that doesn't
work, by holding a gun on him. Brewster gets relief from the
first injection and is able to straighten up and walk normally,
but just as quickly the effects wear off and he's soon back
to dragging his knuckles on the floor. (Metaphorically speaking,
that is.) Much more spinal fluid will have to be collected.
Appalled by the actions of his former friend and colleague,
Dr. Randall refuses to cooperate any further and threatens to
go to the police. Meanwhile, a wisecracking reporter (Wallace
Ford) and a plucky female photographer (Louise Currie) are closing
in on the real story behind the sensational Ape Man Murders...
Poor Bela. It's really pitiful to see him
in this. Anyone who says that the nadir of Lugosi's career came
with his appearances (posthumous or not) in Ed Wood films obviously
hasn't seen The Ape Man. Now I
don't expect a whole lot from these Poverty Row cheapies from
the '40s but this one offers absolutely nothing of entertainment
value. It's dull, talky and stupid; prolific director William
"One-shot" Beaudine (Voodoo Man,
Billy The Kid Vs. Dracula) helms
with all the style and flair he's famously known for — i.e.,
none. (Good God... Did he just plant the camera and yell
"cut!" when the actors finished their lines his entire career?)
The 'trick' ending, which I theorize to be an attempt at humor,
is insulting. As the journalist hero, Wallace Ford proves as
annoying here as he was playing the comic relief sidekick in
The Mummy's Hand. Lugosi, although
more physically active than in many of his latter-day roles,
simply looks ashamed to be involved. He gets no juicy lines,
and has to wear that ridiculous ape makeup throughout.
Watching this turd I could only feel embarrassed
for him... when I wasn't struggling to stay awake.
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is an Alpha Video disc, so I pretty much knew what to expect:
colorful, attractive packaging artwork and a lousy transfer. Taken
from a public domain print, the film is heavily damaged and looks
exceedingly dark and murky — the gorilla (uh, I mean the guy in
the crappy gorilla suit) often appears as a fuzzy black blob.
Sound is even worse, being so muffled that whole chunks of dialog
are practically unintelligible. So, aside from the cover art this
DVD is every bit as bad as the film it contains. Diehard Lugosi
fans should save their eight bucks. Believe me, you don't
need to see this one. 9/26/05 |
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