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U.S.A.
/ 1990
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Starring
Robyn Harris
Melissa Moore
Forrest J Ackerman
Color / 81 Minutes / R
Format: DVD (R1 - NTSC)
New
Concorde Video
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Dialog
from the film
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Legendary
Soul Box
MP3 format - 0.7 MB
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6
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5 |
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10
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While
working after hours in a high-rise office complex,
five female employees of the Acme Lingerie Company
find themselves trapped inside during a fierce
storm and besieged by a supernatural serial killer.
One by one the gals are picked off... but not
before each has the opportunity to shower and
try on the latest in sexy underwear. Though they
don't realize it, the man they mistakenly think
is stalking them fat, unkempt janitor Orville
Ketchum (Peter Spellos) knows the true nature
of the evil loose in the building and does his
damnedest to protect them. He never gives up,
never waivers even after the panicked women
repeatedly beat, stab and shoot him, still believing
him to be the killer. Nothing can stop Orville
from his showdown with the real culprit. He's
very hard to die...
Okay, so Merchant-Ivory
it's not.
Representative
of the "everything but the kitchen sink"
school of low budget exploitation filmmaking,
this is one of those Z-grade rarities that actually
achieves what it strives to do: provide all-encompassing
entertainment for drunks and stoners flopped on
the sofa at 2 AM in the morning. Like a good TV
dinner, it's over quickly and you get a variety
of the staples. You've got your naked women
five of 'em, all of whom at least get topless
taking a succession of showers then running
around in high heels and lingerie screaming their
heads off; an evil spirit-possessed serial killer
(for a cheesy special effects shot and an injection
of slasher elements); a much-abused but indestructible
Wile E. Coyote type to absorb comedic punishment
(only he's a good guy); copious submachine gun
fire (when the two surviving gals find a cache
of fully automatic AK-47 assault rifles in the
office tower's gun shop!); and, in lieu of John
Carradine, the flick even has Forrest J Ackerman
in a plot-relevant supporting role as an occult
expert. (Forry Ackerman? Yes, "Dr. Acula"
himself, original publisher of Famous Monsters
of Filmland and the Granddaddy of all American
'Monster Kids' over the age of 40.) Hard
To Die is
moronic and dumb but kind of funny in parts
even when it's trying to be. (Can you believe
Forry as an elderly anthropologist who's also
a combat veteran of Khe Sahn?)
B-movie
auteur Jim Wynorksi, directing under the alias
"Arch Stanton" (a cheeky reference to The
Good, The Bad & The Ugly), knows he isn't
making art here, putting the emphasis firmly where
it belongs: exploitation. The running gag of the
unstoppable Orville is milked for all its worth
and, surprisingly, actually works most of the
time. (This Human Timex who takes a licking
and keeps on ticking is repeatedly kneed in
the crotch, stabbed with a knife and a paper spindle,
tumbles down a flight of stairs, plummets 15 stories
from the roof of the building and is shot at least
a hundred times!) The ladies are attractive, if
not exactly great thespians, with cute 'n' spunky
Robyn (aka Gail) Harris and tall, buxom blonde
Melissa Moore (Samurai
Cop) the most recognizable brea ahem, faces
among them. Virtually the same cast appeared in
nearly identical circumstances in Wynorski's Sorority
House Massacre 2 (also 1990), which Hard
To Die is a direct sequel to. However,
the actors don't all play the same characters
they did in Sorority House
Massacre 2. Adding to the confusion, SHM
2 is itself a 'fake' sequel to the original
Sorority House Massacre
(1987), which Wynorski had nothing to
do with and featured a completely different cast...
Believe me, I'm as confused as you are at this
point. (Perhaps future reviews will be able to
clarify this conundrum.)
All that's really missing in
this potpourri of schlock is gore, probably because
their wasn't enough money in the budget for any
serious effects. (Blood is splashed and squirted
on a wall; that's about it.) Maybe they thought
getting too squishy would detract from the comedy...
In any event, Hard To Die
is a fun, silly time-waster that doesn't require
very many functioning brain cells to enjoy. A
few good bong hits and/or stiff drinks make the
ideal viewing accessories.
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| New
Concord isn't exactly known for tricked-out DVDs
and its new edition of Hard
To Die is no exception. You get the movie,
its trailer, and trailers for other direct-to-video
New Concorde titles (Concealed
Weapons, Don't Sleep
Alone, and Exposé,
which all give a distinct impression of suckiness).
The film itself looks pretty good. It's grainy
nothing at all unusual for such a low budget flick
but relatively free of print damage. Apparently
shot open matte, it's presented here fullframe,
which I'd think is the correct aspect ratio. I found
it amusing that, when viewing the disc on my computer's
DVD-ROM drive, I could clearly see that two of the
ladies were showering with panties on! (This was
not visible on the 32" TV in my living room.)
Sound quality isn't stellar but is more than adequate
to the task... Your speakers aren't going to get
a workout, even with all that gunfire and screaming.
7/13/04 |
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