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U.S.A.
/ 1969
Directed by David L. Hewitt
Starring
Anthony Eisley
Megan
Timothy
Scott Brady
Color / 85 Minutes / Not Rated
Format:
DVD
Double Feature Disc / R1 - NTSC
Something Weird Video
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Review
by
Brian Lindsey
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4
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6 |
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10
= Highest Rating |
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Could
it be? The Worst Movie of All Time?
I don't make the accusation lightly, having suffered
through The Creeping Terror and
Manos: The Hands of Fate. Mighty
Gorga definitely belongs in that infamous league.
It's stupendously, mind-numbingly awful, a flick that prompts
the viewer to not only question the sanity of the filmmakers
but one's own psychological state as well. Unless you consider
yourself a die-hard lover of Industrial Strength Cheese it should
be avoided at all costs —
the pain would be unbearable. (I suspect the film's effect on
the "average" person would be akin to that of some
deadly nerve agent.) For those made of stronger stuff, who gleefully
expose their brain to I.Q.-sapping atrocities like this as a
test of their movie-watching mettle (the cinematic equivalent
of firewalking through hot coals), then Mighty
Gorga should prove an unforgettable experience. Yes,
you'll laugh, all right —
the flick offers some choice moments of unintentional humor.
But at what price to one's psyche?
Bargain rate
leading man Anthony Eisley (Dracula
vs. Frankenstein, The Doll Squad)
stars as Mark Remington, a chain-smoking, cash-strapped entrepreneur
who's desperate to save his struggling circus from going under.
He reasons that only a spectacular new attraction, unlike anything
the public has ever seen, can get his company ledgers back in
the black. Gambling everything, he scrapes up enough money for
a trip to Africa. He hopes to contact "Tonga Jack"
Adams, an animal trapper who wrote to him about the legend of
a giant ape creature living in an unexplored region of the Congo.
If true, Mark plans to capture the beast and take it back with
him to America. A real-life "King Kong" would have
the kiddies lined up for miles to buy tickets to his circus.
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| DVD
Viewing Tip SKIP
CHAPTER 3 ENTIRELY. It chronicles Mark's flight to and arrival
in "Africa". So we get some stock footage of a jetliner
taking off, flying and landing. And where does Mark go as soon
as he touches down in the mysterious Dark Continent? A zoo.
(Obviously in California.) He wanders around a bit while we get
a look at the animals. No black folks are anywhere to be seen
(...it's Africa, remember?). He meets an old pal, the zoo
director (a white guy with an American accent), who tells him
how to find Tonga Jack's place. That's it —
the entire chapter. This section of the movie serves absolutely
no purpose other than to pointlessly pad the running time, not
to mention rob you of 5 minutes of your life. So skip it! (Sorry
to interrupt for the Public Service Announcement; we now return
you to our regularly scheduled review...) |
Mark arrives at Tonga Jack's compound to learn that the
trapper has been missing for many months, ever since setting out
on an ill-fated safari. Jack's snooty daughter April (Brit brunette
Megan Timothy) has been running the business ever since. Like
Mark she's under severe financial pressure. A rival trapper, the
unscrupulous Morgan (Hell's
Bloody Devils' Scott Brady), covets the compound but April
won't sell. When Morgan torches her animals (I did say he was
unscrupulous!) April is left with little choice but to team up
with Mark. He offers to share the wealth if the giant gorilla
can be captured and brought back to civilization. The promise
of a fabulous treasure guarded by the legendary ape adds luster
to the proposition. She also hopes to learn the fate of her missing
father. Accompanied by April's trusty manservant George and two
native bearers —
the only three black people seen in a film almost entirely set
in Africa —
she and Mark head out into the jungle. (Actually a patch of woods
in Simi Valley, CA.) A sketch map made by Tonga Jack during an
earlier expedition points the way. Unknown to the group, the unscrupulous
Morgan is tailing them on their trek.
And trek they
do, for what seems a bleedin' eternity. Mark smokes a lot; April
acts all haughty and stuff. Skulls stuck on poles frighten away
the bearers. But just when you think you simply can't take it
anymore the movie gets deliriously goofy. Leaving trusty George
to guard their campsite, our matching khaki duo forges on to the
slopes of a towering plateau. They climb around a dreadful matte
shot (into which the top of Mark's head has a tendency to disappear)
with occasional stops on the way for April to flip her hair. At
the summit they discover a lost prehistoric world, so indicated
by a handful of colorful fake flowers strategically placed here
and there. Upon stumbling across a clutch of basketball-sized
eggs, Mark and April are attacked by a dinosaur —
and I must admit I had to back up the disc to make sure of what
I was seeing. Eisley gamely works his bolt action rifle on one
side of a split screen, while on the other a plastic toy dinosaur
is wiggled back and forth in the foreground. I am not making this
up. (When your special effects make the notorious "carpet
monster" of Creeping Terror
fame look good, you know you're in trouble.) Fortunately
for Mark and April the Mighty Gorga himself intervenes, wrestling
the rubber T-Rex while they make their escape.
Ah, yes... It
seems I've neglected poor Gorga. Since the invention of the medium
schlock films have suffered from less-than-convincing ape suits,
but this one just may take the cake. For one thing, he's never
shown from the chest down. (They probably didn't have a full costume.)
The ratty fur would look more appropriate adorning a yak's hump.
And the fixed, staring eyeballs are permanently stuck looking
to the left —
it's a wonder the poor beast can walk a straight line. But regardless
of his not-so-fearsome appearance Gorga is worshipped as a god
by the plateau's human denizens, a prehistoric tribe who periodically
sacrifice maidens to appease him. The tribe is led by a beefy
witchdoctor (Bruce Kimball) who's constantly inveighing against
the intrusion of the greedy White Man... even though he and all
the Stone Age villagers are themselves white. (The witchdoctor,
by the way, provides a good many of the laughs. Some of his dialog
is absolutely hysterical; Something Weird even uses a snippet
of it for the disc's Main Menu screen.)
This cliffhanging
adventure thriller (yeah... right) is eventually resolved
with a revelation about April's dad, a detour to Ro-Man's cave
in Bronson Canyon, some stock footage of a volcanic eruption,
and a confrontation with the unscrupulous Morgan. Not that you'll
care one bit, of course. Poor Anthony Eisley... He actually attempts
to deliver a performance most of the time, oblivious of the future
ignominy of having this crapfest listed on his filmography. Such
dedication to one's craft is commendable, though sadly in
this case a thoroughly
pointless exercise. He couldn't have been paid very much; perhaps
they chucked in a few cartons of smokes on top of his fee. In
salute to his indomitable spirit I'm adding 2 whole points to
my film rating. (Besides, I'm an Eisley fan from all those guest-starring
roles on Dragnet. And just when is Navy
vs. the Night Monsters going to make it to DVD, anyway?)
Combined with an additional point for the movie's "I Can't
Believe This Was Actually Made!" factor, Mighty
Gorga distinguishes itself by miraculously not qualifying
for EC's 1-Point Cinematic Shit List. But you have been warned.
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The
Mighty Gorga comes to
DVD as part of a Something Weird double feature disc pairing the
not-so-epic ape adventure with One Million
AC/DC, a 1969 softcore caveman farce written by none other
than Ed "Plan 9
from Outer Space" Wood himself. Sorry Ed, but
I couldn't get through even the first 10 minutes of it —
despite the plethora of naked females on display. (Thus earning
the DVD a "Bare Flesh" icon.) Completely removed from
the G-rated antics of its co-feature, One
Million AC/DC is nothing but wall-to-wall nudity that's
anything but sexy, held together with little bits of dried excrement
that are supposed to be "jokes". The flick is so bad
I'm not even bothering to review it here. Hey...like I'm not that
desperate to see titties, okay? Best now we skip right along to
the A/V specs and a description of the extras.
No one is actually trying
to digitally restore films like this —
why bother? —
so in that regard, Gorga doesn't
look half bad. Though blighted with occasional print damage the
fullframe video transfer boasts vibrant color. Sound quality
was pretty good considering the wretched equipment used to make
the film in the first place. (During a discussion between Mark
and April at the compound the camera is clattering so loudly it
almost drowns out the live dialog.) From what I saw of One
Million AC/DC I'd rate its technical qualities about the
same, i.e. acceptable.
Since this is a Something Weird DVD you can expect a bunch
of extras. There are three short subjects: Nightmare, a
dumb amateur film made by a teenager in the 1970s with a home
movie camera (and which features a claymation dinosaur, presumably
its reason for being included here); Diane the Jungle Girl
and Her Gorilla of Love, a lame B&W
clip of a stripper (who doesn't get naked) and a guy in a Gorga-quality
ape suit; and Prehistoric Daze, a "nudie cutie"
romp from the '60s showcasing the fleshy charms of some comely,
skinny dipping cavegirls. On top of these are a whopping 9 trailers,
among them such "big dumb monster" pics as Bert I. Gordon's
The Cyclops, Lippert's Lost
Continent, Valley of the Dragons,
The Loch Ness Terror, Equinox,
and the Spanish-language La Isla de los
Dinosaurios. Inexplicably, trailers for the Mexican kids'
fantasy Tom Thumb and a Eurohorror
import about invisible demons, The Sound
of Horror, are thrown in as well. Alas no trailer for Mighty
Gorga though the promo for One Million
AC/DC is included. (All of 'em look pretty ragged.) The
disc also boasts another edition of the always amusing Gallery
of Amazing Trash-O-Rama Exploitation Art &
Radio Spot Rarites. (Note: You can find a cute, ape-themed
easter egg hidden to the upper right of the Main Menu screen.)
8/14/02 |
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