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Review
by
B.L.
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2
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6 |
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10
= Highest Rating |
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Porno
Holocaust
is one of those notorious movies that, having read about it
for years, I simply had to see. Since I'd already suffered
through Erotic Nights
of the Living Dead —
a film by the same director, made at roughly the same time and
sharing the same crew, locations and a number of cast members
—
I wasn't expecting it to be anything but terrible.
My
expectations proved correct.
Contrary to the general
consensus, however, I didn't find it to be quite as awful as
Erotic Nights. That film attempted
to be both a horror and a porn flick in equal measure,
failing miserably on both counts. Porno
Holocaust concentrates
mainly on one thing: hardcore fucking. It doesn't do a particularly
good job at this either, but at least they tried. Ironically,
although horror elements are given a back seat to the sex scenes
here, they actually work better. They're definitely funnier.
(As in unintentionally funny.) And while it doesn't boast
the participation of a bona fide sexploitation star like Erotic
Nights' Laura Gemser ("Black Emanuelle" herself), this
doesn't really matter; Gemser didn't engage in any of the explicit
action anyway.
Mark Shannon (he
of the infamous wart-encrusted gonads) is Captain Hardy, skipper
of a charter boat hired by the French government to take a group
of scientists to a tropical island that 20 years earlier was
the site of an A-bomb test. The uninhabited isle has of late
been the source of strange, fearful rumors among the local natives.
Keeping their expedition a secret, the scientists are to take
radiation readings and collect biological samples for further
study. Hardy is surprised to learn that his three female passengers
are in fact shapely, nubile young ladies instead of the bespectacled
middle-aged frumps he expected. The perpetually randy Countess
St. Jacques (Annj Goren, aka Anna Maria Napolitano), a zoologist
of noble lineage, prepares for the voyage by muff-diving on
fellow scientist Simone Keller (Dirce Funari) and hiring two
black studs to service her own special needs. Hardy and nuclear
physicist (!) Annie Darmon (Lucia Ramirez), a dark-skinned beauty,
hit it off and are soon exchanging bodily fluids. The two male
scientists —
Simone's wimpy husband and the team leader, Prof. Lemoir (George
Eastman) —
actually seem to be interested in science instead of shagging.
With gals this hot 'n' horny onboard it looks to be full steam
ahead for ol' Captain Lumpy Nuts...
Finally, some 40 minutes into the film, they arrive at their
destination to begin the survey —
which, lo and behold, seems to consist mostly of fucking. But
they are not alone. Unbeknownst to the group a nosy reporter
(played by director Joe D'Amato) has followed them in pursuit
of a story. Also, this supposedly 'deserted' island isn't exactly
deserted. A radiation-scarred mutant, dressed in rags, shuffles
zombie-like through the jungle spying on the interlopers. This
creature is the sole survivor of a native family that failed
to evacuate before the atomic test 20 years earlier. A simple
fellow with simple needs, Mr. Mutant has a very basic agenda:
kill the men, rape the women. (Thankfully it's not the other
way 'round!)
Despite the appearance of the monster —
not actually
glimpsed until the 73-minute mark —
there's a
lot more "porno" than "holocaust". The film's single instance
of gore is quite laughable. (Mutant Guy bashes one of the boat's
crewmen over the head with a rock; the victim looks as if a
can of stewed tomatoes exploded in his face.) More goofy schlock
in this vein would've been a major improvement. Instead we're
treated to one clumsy, boring sex scene after another. There's
only one thing worse than no sex, and that's bad sex.
Of the three ladies in the cast only Annj Goren and Lucia Ramirez
participate in the hardcore action; as in Erotic
Nights, Dirce Funari frequently gets naked but only simulates
her sexual hijinx. Ramirez shags exclusively with Mark "Bumpy
Balls" Shannon. Goren, on the other hand, fucks
and/or blows five guys in the movie — to include the monster
— and shares two R-rated lesbian scenes with Funari. One has
to feel a bit sorry for poor Annj... She's the most game, but
has repeated difficulty getting and keeping her boy toys hard
no matter how enthusiastic the cock-juggling. Even so, the monster-fucking
scene is hilariously absurd, as is D'Amato's incredible desperation
to cram as much humping as possible into the final reel. Even
when you think he couldn't possibly fit in another sex scene...
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I
gotta hand it to Media Blasters. They've released Porno
Holocaust
(under the company's Exploitation Digital imprint) even though
it's a given that most retail stores will refuse to carry it.
Needless to say you won't be seeing this puppy on the shelves
at Circuit City or Best Buy!
(Amazon isn't stocking it, either.)
An uncut print of the
film, in the original Italian with English subs, is used for the
anamorphic widescreen (1.85) transfer. There's a smidgen of damage
here and there and some scenes are grainy and/or appear slightly
washed out, but overall this is quite a decent looking disc. (I
doubt if we'll ever see a significantly better presentation.)
Typical for such a Eurotrash offering is the flat-sounding audio
track, which is nonetheless clear and free of any static or distortion.
(Frankly, it isn't a must for me to experience bad '70s porn disco
in 5.1 Surround.) As
extras the DVD includes an extremely brief image gallery
(wisely not touted on the packaging), the sexually explicit trailer,
trailers for Media Blasters releases SS
Hell Camp, Yellow
Emanuelle,
Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, and Erotic
Nights of the Living Dead (which also features hardcore
penetration/fellatio scenes), and a recently recorded video interview
with actor/writer George Eastman. In the 11½ minute featurette
Eastman (born Luigi Montefiori) discusses
working with Joe D'Amato and writing the screen treatments for
their horror-porn collaborations. Basically, Porno
Holocaust and Erotic Nights
were conceived as export-friendly grindhouse pics that could be
shot quickly and very cheaply while the two pals enjoyed an extended
vacation in the Caribbean. While not especially proud of them
Eastman says they were a lot of fun to make. (I bet!)
6/04/05 |
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