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The
Sword And The Sorcerer
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4
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5 |
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10
= Highest Rating |
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Propelled
by the high profile release of Conan
The Barbarian, the early '80s saw a
slew of sword and sorcery movies hack their way
into the burgeoning mall multiplexes and dwindling
number of drive-in theaters. One of the better
flicks of this lot was The
Sword And The Sorcerer —
an underbudgeted mishmash of cornball clichés
that strives to be a hybrid of Milius' Conan film
and Boorman's Excalibur.
It's certainly the best movie ever helmed by prolific
director Albert Pyun (Captain
America, Cyborg).
But that's not really saying a whole lot, actually.
Still, there are nuggets
of fun to be found here. These are due principally
to the cast, populated by a host of familiar B-movie
regulars and second tier TV stars. The film also
has the right attitude —
briefly serious when called upon but fully cognizant
of what a dreadful mistake it'd be, given the
material, not to keep winking with tongue planted
firmly in cheek.
Tom Selleck wannabe Lee Horsely
(TV's Matt Houston) headlines as Prince
Talon, heir to the kingdom of Ehdan. While still
a teen his family is butchered by Cromwell (God
Told Me To's Richard Lynch), a ruthless warlord
who usurps the throne by resurrecting a long-dead
wizard, Xusia (Night Court's Richard "Bull"
Moll, slathered in makeup), to help tip battles
in his favor. Talon escapes beyond Cromwell's
reach, having sworn to avenge his murdered father.
He carries with him a most unusual (i.e, downright
silly) weapon given to him by the king —
a three-bladed sword that can fire two of the
blades like a crossbow! (And is apparently steam-powered.)
With the "final conflict" over and Ehdan's
crown in his hands, Cromwell dispenses with Xusia's
magical services by stabbing the wizard and chucking
him off a cliff. Our narrator (Simon MacCorkindale,
who also plays Mikah) tells us in excruciatingly
pretentious and badly written Tolkien-speak that
over the next decade Talon grew up to be a freebooting
adventurer and mercenary general. In the meantime,
Cromwell has ruled most of the civilized world
with a bloody, iron fist, relying in the last
few years on the council of his war chancellor,
the sinister Count Machelli (George Maharis in
a Monkees wig).
One day Talon and his small
band of fellow mercs —
which include Reb Brown (Yor:
Hunter From The Future) and Murphy Brown's
Joe Regalbuto — arrive
at Ehdan's capital city on the eve of a rebellion.
Brave Prince Mikah and the beautiful Princess
Alana (Kathleen Beller), siblings from a noble
house of Ehdan, are set to lead the people in
an uprising against Cromwell. They think
they have
an inside ally in Mechelli, who naturally betrays
them to the ursurper for his own nefarious reasons.
Cromwell's men capture Mikah but his sister escapes
into the street, where she is rescued from rapacious
soldiers by the swaggering Talon —
who happens to be passing by munching on a huge
leg of mutton. For the promise of one night of
pleasure with Alana, Talon agrees to rescue Mikah
from Cromwell's dungeon.
The next 40 minutes or so then
become an exercise in every hoary cliché in the
swashbuckling, Edgar Rice Burroughs "boy's
adventure" lexicon —
with all the good guys taking turns getting captured,
escaping, getting captured, escaping, etcetera.
Most of this takes place in the dark, which I
believe was done deliberately to camouflage the
low budget sets. (Interesting that the one scene
that's relatively brightly lit involves Talon
stumbling into a harem of topless slave girls.
All of the street crowd scenes and exterior shots
of castles are achieved using footage lifted from
other movies, by the way.) The flick mostly just
ping-pongs between a dungeon and tavern set, finally
culminating in a big battle royal at Cromwell's
wedding feast. Talon's men break out of their
cells (luckily gaining access to their own weapons,
including the hero's ridiculous tri-bladed thingy)
to rescue him from execution. As part of an unintentionally
humorous slow-motion montage sequence, the loin-clothed
Talon rips himself down from a crucifixion cross
(!) and bounces via hidden trampoline into the
melee. Supremely hokey stuff.
All in all, I suppose it's
an okay time-waster. But just barely. It's no
surprise that the planned sequel, Tales Of
The Ancient Empire —
listed onscreen as "coming soon" just
prior to the end credits — never materialized.
A movie this corny needs a hero played by a really
charismatic or funny actor we can root for. Talon
is a generic cipher, like the super-spies in most
of the European-made 007 knockoffs of the '60s.
Horsely tries to play Errol Flynn with a John
Wayne swagger. It doesn't work. Kathleen
Beller's character, customary of female roles
in this kind of hooey, is even more cardboard
than Horsely's. (She does get to knee three different
guys in the crotch, though.) Lynch, the seasoned
B-movie villain, and Moll, playing the monstrous
sorcerer Xusia, fare best here. Late genre great
Robert Tessier, the bald guy who once played Mr.
Clean in the TV adverts, gets a memorable appearance
as Verdugo, Cromwell's sadistic chief torturer...
who is humorously nicknamed "Potato Head"
by a Rasta pirate. (He gets a great death, too.)
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| Anchor
Bay's DVD release of The Sword
And The Sorcerer is not up to their usual
high standards, as it lacks in any extras beyond
a trailer and a couple of TV spots. While the picture
tends to be murky and grainy
here and there, it looks about like it did in the
theater. The film is presented letterboxed
and has been given a welcome, if unexceptional,
5.1 Dolby audio track. 4/29/01
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