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U.K.
- U.S.A.
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1967
Directed
by Montgomery Tully
Starring
Kerwin Mathews
Viviane Ventura
Peter Arne
Color |
91 Minutes |
Not Rated
Format: DVD
Double Feature Disc / R1 - NTSC
Warner Home Video
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Review
by
Brian Lindsey
Film:5
DVD:6
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| This
comic book sci-fi adventure represents
one of the last gasps of "Yellow Peril" cinema, but
the plot is so laughably absurd that I can't imagine anyone looking
at it today and finding it offensive. |
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They're
coming! Burrowing underneath us like ants! That's the wild
claim made by Arnold Kramer (Peter Arne), a brilliant research
seismologist picked up by the Las Vegas police for making a spectacle
of himself on the Strip. Carted off to a psychiatric hospital
for observation, Kramer can't get anyone to believe him. (Not
that you can exactly blame 'em...) In desperation he contacts
an old friend, U.S. Navy engineer Commander Shaw (Kerwin Mathews,
in Bland Hero Mode), for help. Shaw puts on a sympathetic face
when he visits Kramer at the sanitarium but comes away fairly
certain that his pal is a raving loon. |
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Not
for long, though. A mining disaster in Oregon draws Shaw's attention,
since it ties in with what Kramer was babbling about. Government
scientists can't find any logical reason for the mine collapse,
so Shaw gets permission from his military superiors to investigate
further. Deep beneath the earth he makes an astonishing find:
a secret system of manmade tunnels, potentially stretching for
miles, that aren't supposed to be there. Shaw is quickly assigned
a platoon of Marine Corps infantry — among them spaghetti western
vet Al Mulock as a grizzled sergeant — and leads the way below
to gather intelligence. |
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Penetrating
further into the tunnels, the recon team learns that the underground
complex is literally crawling with Red Chinese soldiers. The ChiComs,
using futuristic laser drills (actually flashlights mounted on
electric carts), are boring their way beneath the U.S. in order
to plant atomic bombs under major cities and other strategic targets.
America is under attack! Shaw and the marines manage to disable
a number of the A-bombs but are forced to retreat to the surface,
taking heavy casualties. A counterstrike must be launched as quickly
as possible before the enemy can transport another consignment
of atomic bombs through their vast main tunnel, which stretches
under the Pacific Ocean all the way to mainland China. Not-so-crazy
Kramer is sprung from the booby hatch to assist (everyone believes
him now), and Shaw is later joined by foxy geologist Dr. Tila
Yung (Viviane Ventura) as he and the marines once again gird themselves
for subterranean combat. |
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Directed
exactly like a mid-'60s made-for-TV movie (complete with fade-to-commercial
segues), Battle Beneath the Earth
presents its outrageously silly premise with the sternest, straightest
of faces. Your taste for that brand of cheese will determine
whether you'll be able to sit through it or not, much less genuinely
enjoy it. I had a fairly good time, actually. It may not contain
any "WTF?" gut-busters but the sheer ridiculousness
of the scenario provides near-constant bemusement.
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This
is the sort of movie in which Chinese troops drive around in bright
yellow-painted Volkswagen jeeps, wearing plastic hardhats
with built-in walkie-talkie antennae for communication. Atomic
bombs are incredibly easy to disarm (although one does have to
be careful); the Pentagon is able to quickly arrange the complete
shutdown of every machine in the continental U.S. (!) in order
to listen in on the burrowing Chinese. And the lady geologist
actually has to be warned not to step in a puddle of molten rock.
("Watch itl Be careful! That's hot!") The bad
guys are led by renegade general Chan Lu, a mash-up of Dr. No
and Fu Manchu in a People's Liberation Army uniform, who keeps
a pet falcon in his office cavern and a dragon lady-type henchwoman
on standby to hypnotize/brainwash captured enemies. As played
by Martin Benson (the mob boss with a "pressing engagement"
in Goldfinger),
he's your standard Man from U.N.C.L.E. pulp villain
and not a particularly memorable one — apart from his amusingly
pathetic demise. There's such a pitiful look of dejection on his
face (once he realizes total defeat) that you almost feel sorry
for the guy. |
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Benson
isn't the only Caucasian actor unconvincingly playing an Asian
here; sporting painfully obvious latex eye makeup, Peter Elliot
(who was much more believable as an Indian academician in Curse
of the Demon), portrays Chan Lu's chief mad scientist.
(The rest of the Chinese speaking roles are filled by actual Asians.)
That most of the white actors are really Brits playing Americans
— the film was shot in England — gives it an odd sort of 'Canadian'
vibe. The TV show-quality production design, super-crappy FX and
often clumsy editing* merely add
further layers of crusty cheese to drill through. |
| *
One scene in particular really stands out in this regard... Kramer
is explaining his theories to the military brass at the Los Alamos
HQ. Almost his entire monolog is taken up by awkward reaction
shots of Shaw and the others just standing there, listening. (I'm
surprised someone hasn't used this footage for a YouTube parody,
with different audio.) |
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| Battle
Beneath the Earth
finally wormed its way to home video in the fall of 2008, paired
with the 1975 post-apocalyptic action flick The
Ultimate Warrior on a Sci-Fi Double Feature disc
from Warner Home Video. While some of the other DVDs in that and
the similar Horror Double Feature line have since gone
OOP, as of May 2010 this one remains readily available in pristine,
shrinkwrapped condition. |
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In
terms of A/V quality Battle is about
on par with Ultimate Warrior, albeit
with a tad more print damage sprinkled here and there; the film
has a decidedly more vibrant color scheme than its downbeat co-feature
and the disc showcases this quite nicely. The 1.85:1 transfer
is anamorphically enhanced for 16x9 TVs, backed by a basic mono
soundtrack that does what it needs to do without issues. There
aren't any extras on hand, but for a forgotten catalog genre title
— some would say deservedly forgotten — I have no real
complaints. (NOTE: My DVD rating of "6" factors in the
disc's value as a double feature.) 5/14/10 |
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