REPORT VOL. #6
sixth of the West German Schulmädchen-report sexploitation
pics, an anthology series that one can jump into at any point
since there's no real continuity between "volumes"...
No continuity except oodles of naked female flesh, that is.
1 and 2 were previously covered in our Short
Takes section, so I'll briefly crib from those capsule
reviews for a summation of what these movies are about. The first,
What Parents Don't Think is Possible, is a
"white coat" sexploitationer, a pseudo-documentary
pretending to be a serious examination
of teenage female sexuality in the early 1970s. It's really just
an excuse to show naked girls, of course, chronicling the sexual
misadventures of young German lasses in the age of bellbottoms
and hirsute nether regions — when new norms of behavior and morality
among the nation's youth left the uptight older generations shocked,
bewildered and outraged. (Has anything really changed on that
score in the ensuing decades?) The documentary-style 'woman on
the street' interviews were dropped for subsequent installments,
establishing the template for the films to follow: a wraparound
'bookend' story, typically involving a meeting of concerned parents
and administrators who discuss various cases of naughty student
(and sometimes teacher) misconduct within the school district.
These cases are illustrated in the form of short vignettes featuring
copious nudity and softcore hijinx. At least one of the vignettes
in each film is comedic in nature. (It's important to note for...
ahem... legal reasons that all the actresses in these films
were 18 and older, even if playing girls as young as 14. I noticed
that in Volume #6 the characters' ages are rarely mentioned; apparently
they're all supposed to be high school seniors or even first year
#6, What Parents Would Gladly Hush Up, begins with lusty
teen lovebirds Sibylle (Sonja Jeannine) and Achim (Bert Lock)
sneaking into an empty classroom for some extracurricular activity.
They strip down for action and get it on, so into each other that
they're oblivious when a male teacher walks into the room and
catches them in the act. (Naturally he watches for a few minutes
before lowering the boom.) Such brazen shamelessness triggers
a meeting of the local parent-teacher council, where the couple's
fate is to be decided — most likely resulting in expulsion. To
put their transgression in perspective, incidents of sexual misconduct
by other students are described by the accused as well as some
of the more liberal-minded/pragmatic administrators. To wit:
Sensitive and withdrawn, Ingrid (Marie Ekorre) is a lesbian student
who has fallen madly in love with her hot blonde French teacher,
Fraulein Lensing (Shirley Corrigan). Ingrid obsessively
fantasizes about sex with the woman, imagining her naked in the
classroom. She works up the courage to visit Ms. Lensing's apartment
and make her move, threatening to kill herself if the teacher
doesn't make love to her. When her pleas are rebuffed she decides
to have her way no matter what. Discovering that Ms. Lensing is
carrying on an adulterous affair with a married male teacher,
Ingrid follows the couple to various secret rendezvous and takes
incriminating photos. Since the direct method failed, there's
During an extended field trip to the countryside, Carsten, the
rich and handsome Big Man on Campus (who could easily pass for
thirty!), scores with all the girls — his tried-and-true seduction
lines have 'em out of their panties in no time. Marlis (Sonja
Embriz) naively believes that she's somehow special, but is soon
consumed with hatred when she overhears him mocking her while
in the arms of his latest conquest. She vows revenge, channeling
the other boys' resentment of the girlfriend-stealing Carsten
to her own purpose. Vengeance proves bitter comfort when events
take an unexpectedly tragic turn...
During an all-girl sex education class taught by a nearly blind
spinster type, a very horny — and potent — Italian window-washer
sneaks into the room to shag with some of the willing students...
Hilarity (supposedly) ensues.
To pay his debts, a drunken schweinhund of a father starts
pimping out his daughter as a prostitute. Fortunately for the
emotionally distraught girl, a local farm boy steps in to play
knight in shining armor.
Lilo (Ulrike Butz, Vampire
Ecstasy) is a love-starved nymphomaniac with designs on
her middle-aged fencing instructor. And whatever Lilo wants, she
gets! Ambushing him in the gymnasium shower after a lesson, she
utterly rocks his world... Soon they're sneaking around, knocking
boots at every opportunity. The poor guy knows full well their
torrid romps are both unethical (he's her teacher) and immoral
(he's married, with kids), but he's powerless to resist — Lilo
is an insatiable sexual dynamo, with a hot young body purpose-built
for sin. (You'd have to be gay or dead to refuse her... Really!)
Eventually the wife begins to suspect, and he's forced to choose...
to these movies the 1970s must have been an exceptionally groovy
time to be a West German guy. The frauleins wore short
mini-dresses, went braless and were all randier than rabbits in
heat. Ich bin im Himmel! Alas, I can attest that it wasn't
quite that way here in the States at the time... (Hey,
at least we didn't have military conscription after '73.)
Schulmädchen-report films, because of their episodic
structure, are sort of hard to review. They're not narrative
motion pictures in the conventional sense, but rather a loose
matrix for parading as many nubile naked babes as possible —
the bottom-line raison d'être of sexploitation. Mission
accomplished in that regard! Raven-tressed Sonja Jeannine and
yummy Ulrike Butz are the standout hotties in this particular
cavalcade of carnality, but all the ladies displayed au natural
are definitely worth ogling... so Euro-Cult aficionados — of
the horndog variety — will get what they came for. Attempts
at drama come across more silly than serious, however; the slapstick
segment with the window-washer is terribly unfunny. Actually,
the movie works better as a comedy when it's trying not to be.
Dialog such as "You have to fuck me or I'll go nuts!"
is somehow more humorous in subtitled German.
Impulse's latest Schoolgirl Report release is in exactly
the same vein as its predecessors. The 1.66:1 anamorphic transfer
is in generally good shape, displaying minimal print damage; slightly
faded colors in some scenes is the only drawback. (The opening
credits sequence —
the same one used for all of the films in the series —
looks the worst and is pillarboxed.) The mono German language
track is quite serviceable to the task, with dialog and Gert Wilder's
kitschy (and often catchy) pop music score coming through clearly.
The easy-to-read optional English subtitles are topnotch. As
for DVD extras? Nein. 2/09/10