greatest monster movie since King Kong!'"
- The Post
"The most realistic, horrifying film ever." - Leo Guild,
say the quotes on the DVD cover to the 1970 monster movie Bigfoot.
I personally have no idea what kind of crazy drug these people
were on when they decided to heap such high praise on this dull,
low budget cheese-fest, but whatever it was, I want some!*
Hell, even if it ended up being the infamous brown acid from Woodstock,
dropping a tab of that would still probably be a more enjoyable
experience than having to sit through this schlock again.
begins with a voluptuous blonde woman (drive-in movie vixen Joi
Lansing, in her last film role before her untimely death) boarding
a small single engine plane and taking off for... uh, somewhere.
Unfortunately, something goes wrong mid-flight and she's forced
to bail out. No sooner has she parachuted to safety when she's
attacked and captured by one of the titular monsters (there are
actually several creatures in this movie, so I guess a more accurate
title would've been "Bigfeet").
traveling salesmen Jasper (horror movie legend John Carradine)
and Elmer (John Mitchum, brother of actor Robert Mitchum) are
driving along a deserted country road in their dilapidated station
wagon and eventually make their way to a remote general store.
While trying to hawk their wares, Jasper and Elmer ask the owner
of the store for some beer, but the store has just been cleaned
out by a group of bikers who are driving through the area to
do what seemingly all bikers did in the early 1970s, namely
drink beer and awkwardly dance to music in the woods. One of
the bikers breaks off from the group for some alone-time with
his girlfriend, and after stumbling across a Bigfoot burial
ground, promptly gets knocked out by one of the creatures and
wakes up to find his girl has been kidnapped. The women, y'see,
are being kept prisoner at the Bigfoot camp, and the presence
of what seem to be Sasquatch/human hybrids leads them to believe
that the big hairy monsters intend to mate with them. The disgruntled
biker makes his way back to the general store to phone the sheriff,
and upon overhearing his story of a strange, hirsute monster,
Jasper sees dollar signs in his eyes and sets out with Elmer
to capture the creature.
they be able to rescue the women in time?
you even give a shit?
is the type of film that even bad movie connoisseurs will have
a hard time enjoying. I certainly didn't expect an early '70s
movie called "Bigfoot" to be high art, but I thought that it would
at least have some schlocky entertainment value. The DVD cover,
which depicts a large, ape-like monster hoisting a motorcycle
over its head while a policeman fires at it with a tommy gun,
promises far more B-movie thrills than the movie delivers (spoiler
alert: at no point in the movie does Bigfoot lift a motorcycle
above his head!). While there are a couple of unintentionally
funny moments ("They're practically subhuman, except that they
still live like animals!" exclaims Lansing at one point) for
the most part Bigfoot is just a big
snooze. Instead of the action-packed grindhouse ride the cover
promises, we're instead treated to endless scenes of people walking
through the woods and the bikers dicking around and drinking beer.
One early scene even evokes Manos: The Hands
of Fate with Jasper and Elmer silently driving through
the woods for what seems like forever.
acting, as you may expect, is amateurish. John Carradine, while
clearly slumming and waiting for his paycheck, is still leagues
above most of the other actors, one of the worst offenders being
Robert Mitchum's son Christopher Mitchum (yes, there are actually
two members of the Mitchum clan in this movie), who delivers his
lines with all the enthusiasm of a coma patient. The Sasquatches,
although not as laughably bad as the monsters in movies like,
say, The Giant Claw or From
Hell It Came, are still quite obviously guys in
dime store furry costumes, and the baby Sasquatch kinda looks
like what would happen if Cha-ka from Land of the Lost
got addicted to smack.
hardcore exploitation fans will find little to get into here.
Although the premise of primitive monsters wanting to mate with
human women and being stalked by a gang of bikers would seemingly
lend itself to some trashy R-rated action, Bigfoot
is disappointingly short on sleaze. Other than a couple shots
of women in bikinis and a small amount of blood at the end, the
movie is remarkably tame. There are few things sadder in this
world than an exploitation movie that doesn't even have the balls
to be exploitative.
Bigfoot had all the elements to be
a "so bad it's good" movie, instead it's just "so bad it's bad"
— and although it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, that says
far more about how many bad movies I've watched over the years
than anything about this film's merits. Carradine's presence and
a couple smirk-worthy moments are the only — and I do mean only
— things keeping this from getting a "Pure Dookie" rating, and
a less forgiving man than I could easily justify giving this movie
That's assuming these are actually legit quotes... Seriously,
just what kind of publication is "The Post" anyway?
comes to DVD courtesy of the aptly named Cheezy Flicks, and they
have given the movie all the care and restoration it deserves:
that is to say, not much. The movie is obviously sourced from
a VHS copy, complete with tape distortion and tracking lines at
the bottom of the frame, and the 1.33:1 fullframe presentation
awkwardly cuts off some of the opening credits. The effect is
like watching one of my old VHS tapes of late night monster movies
I recorded off the TV, only without the commercial breaks. The
audio doesn't fare much better, although I really don't know how
much could've been done to clean it up considering the source
include trailers for other releases from Cheezy Flicks (such as
Destination Inner Space and The
Navy vs. The Night Monsters) and a feature called "Intermission
Time" which collects a bunch of amusing "let's all go to the lobby"
type concession stand ads. A sub-par DVD for a sub-par movie.